Its really funny how we would feel two completely different set of emotions for the same situation or experience spread apart in time. I still remember the last time I landed on this foreign soil – USA – Jan 18 2006. It was very different then, I would have imagined the same feelings this time around too but I guess I am not even close. The first time around I was really excited, a bit scared and happy. I was looking forward to getting here, as I had been waiting for it for a very long time, almost 6-7months. Today I wasn’t even looking forward to it. I wouldn’t have boarded the plane if I wouldn’t have had to, so much for a free soul. I have always believed that I would live my life on my terms but still at times I find myself doing things which I wouldn’t have wanted to do.
The charm is gone, the anxiety is still there but due to other reasons. I know I know I am cribbing a bit here, but cmon this is my blog afterall . I guess this time its not the same due to a lot of reasons, I cant put it to just one. I love Bombay (Mumbai if you prefer to call it that) have been fascinated by the city for over 25years. I guess you always have a special bonding with the city/town/village you are born in. I would have loved to do a lot of stuff in Bombay on this trip but then time was not on my side. I did most of the things that I wanted to and trust me all of those were related to food. Cmon if you have lived in the city you cant deny the zillions of food joints, ranging from a small cart famous for tea to a dhaba to a restaurant and ofcourse home. Lekin time kitna hi kyon na ho kam pad hi jata hai!!
I really cant understand what makes people from India choose to settle here, I know they too don’t understand what makes people like me choose to settle in India. The last time I came here I was looking forward to go places and enjoy my time. This time its not the same as I have already seen a lot of places and done all the fun sports and after a while you don’t feel like doing the same anymore. Now I guess I am also thinking a bit more seriously about my future, my career options, my life personal and professional and much more. Not that I have a very clear idea of what I want to do, I haven’t been clearer about this kind of stuff since my 12th grade. That time I was determined to get into a good engineering college and make an engineer out of myself. With that done I had achieved what I wanted but I never set up new goals for me, or maybe I did but I never worked towards achieving them. When I look back I am not sure why this happened and there is no one else but me who’s responsible for it. But I guess once you make a mistake you learn much more about not making it again. Do I regret any of it, no I don’t. Infact I am happy I have made all the choices that I have till date, immaterial of weather the outcome has been good or bad. I am pretty sure if I were to press a restart button in my life I would reach the same place as I have today, nothing would be different this time either or maybe it would….??
